I’m Joy’s partner and love to regularly work with her in Secret Garden Events such as Joyful Loving weekend and the wonderful Ongoing Groups such as Being and The Most Intimate and Joyful Loving Training . I focus mostly on men’s work. This started small like all the best things, and has become integral to Secret Garden.
Seeing and hearing the difference it makes for men to have time with their own gender is an ongoing inspiration and absolute pleasure in my life. Men come to Secret Garden work from the widest range of backgrounds and motivations. Most find the time (between an hour and a weekend) they spend with men has given something they did not know they were missing.
Someone recently commented in a mens circle “I feel that though I’ve spent little time with you (the other men), it’s like I know you better and feel closer to you than any other men I’ve known through my life.” This sort of friendship is born out of deep sharing and honesty, overcoming challenges in a supportive environment and learning vulnerable strength together.
My journey began in South Africa with Buddhism when I was 23. I immediately knew that ‘this’ was the answer I’d been waiting for, and a passion for what I now call Being has been the central thread of life in the 30 years since then. There have been many experiences and phases, but one that always stands out is an intensive 1 week mens group in 1991. I thought before this that I had men friends and was able to be open and share with men, but I discovered that being just with men in this way fulfilled an ageless and previously unknown longing.
I was sorely tempted by monastic asceticism, but will never forget coming down from meditation in the hills of Sri Lanka to the beach, where I could not keep my eyes off the women. Since then, it’s been clear that being “In the world but not of it” is where it’s at for me.
This has led me to manage the office of a thriving personal development organisation in Tel Aviv, and be MD of a crystal company in Devon. I’ve delivered and sold Management Training that changed peoples lives for the better. I’ve experienced both great worldly success and abject failure. 10 years ago I started as the Sales Director of a 3 person mobile communications software company. 3 years ago I changed role and am now the Operations Director. We are now 40 strong and I enjoy using my experience of the business and passion for efficiency to help the company continue growing in a highly competitive and leading edge tech company, selling worldwide.
Thanks Tim for being you, I can honestly say, despite our fears, you pulled it off. You brought the man and child out in me. It was a pure joy to be both and not to worry about be judged or critisized. You are a very bright star in the sky of humanity.
Scott, thanks for the pictures, they gave me goose bumps.
Ian Simmonds isle of wight
A Taste of Secret Garden Men’s Work
I’m not ready to start a blog but I’m moved to post here a text I sent to the men on an intimacy group I was running with Joy, having had to leave it early.
“Msg for the men – Guys, I feel a lot of the troubles we have can be healed if we can find in ourselves the self trust and self love to let go of ideas about having to be true to ourselves or to get it right our way. How about softening to just say Yes to the woman. We are big enough to lose and will find that is a real victory. The goodies come when we are a humble servant of God not a separate ego. This is a true warrior path, let’s let ourselves lose.’’
and a later comment follow up by email:
“Anything that can be taken away from us by woman is not real or worth having. This is not permission to be brow beaten or a wimp, but an invitation to feel the pain of being made wrong by the woman we love, and let its effect brew in our hearts. A good brew takes time, and once done, and over the emotion of the moment, if there is anything real that needs to be said, it will find a way to be said through us, not by our small ‘me too’ self. With love, Tim”
Food for thought? These circles are about men, men being men in the world, men and soul, men and creativity, men and sex, men and purpose, men relating to women, men and children and so much more. Come along and find out .