Sometimes the Unconscious is a Trickster

In the recent video, which prompted this written riff on it, I’m responding about a question a woman asked me as we chatted before the circle formally opened. She asked about something that she perceived had happened with her partner ‘projecting onto her’ and whether I felt she was ‘right’ to respond as she did. I had said that I felt they could both go deeper with the apparent conflict, rather than putting energy into which of them was ‘right’ or had won. It felt like core wounds were being activated, different in nature for both of them, and it was a real opportunity! In disowning of the material and blaming another, that opportunity is always lost.

Joyful Loving exploration is sometimes about dismantling the past, or the personality’s grip. This is because conscious touch, full presence and true lovemaking, is possible only when neediness, trance, belief in feelings and thoughts, resistances and projections can be recognised, and met in loving consciousness so that they dissolve easily back to source.

The temptation to believe in a projection and act or speak reactively when there is disconnection from source, and even dark feelings, can be strong. The witnessing and holding to enquire inwardly then, and find the heart’s silent intelligence, and what is beyond, comes from authentic spiritual community and your life guide. Ultimately the circle and transmission from your life guide grow your capacity to find your own resting in Being in your ordinary life.

This is the Love that does not change, beyond ‘you’. The source of all healing. The ruthless killer of illusion. This is the ‘tool’ beyond all tools, the ultimate solve-nt of any blocks to emotional and physical intimacy. This is how all issues about loving and being loved are solved at their root. This is how miracle shifts happen. The ultimate healing of our conditioned separation and suffering.

Sometimes, in growing you, the unconscious seems to be a trickster. It can be subtle or not. It creates projections outside of you (for example as the people in your life) that feel SO real, so compelling, and maybe very painful. This is simply information, stories which are mirrors created by your unconscious, about your own beliefs n the way of clear seeing (such as ‘Why can’t women stay?’ or ‘What is stopping him really loving me?’ or ‘Woman limits my freedom‘ or ‘Love doesn’t work‘ or ‘I‘m not attractive‘ or ‘I Can’t do relationships‘  or ‘I don’t deserve to have all I want‘ -limitation is unlimited in expression! :).

Do you have a favourite? Find it, love it, do what is needed to let it go.

Projected reality is never the truth your mind says it is! The invitation when painful projection is happening, is always to go in and do the work to heal into wholeness & truth. This might be to embrace limiting beliefs and stories so fully that they dissolve in the Love beyond you. There are always great gifts to be found. Surprising treasure. This can free you up for appropriate, flowing, harmonious action, where appropriate. Maybe lovemaking rather than quarrelling!

Joyful Loving is also an education in and exploration of conscious love-making, and esoteric teachings about the body. This is extremely important if you value healing into wholeness and awake living, whether you are alone or sharing life with another or others. It cannot be left out of transformational work because life itself is se-ual and to be fully alive se-ually is to align with Life itself. The body, sensual pleasure and se-uality show you your past, your limits and projections very directly and then gorgeously or tenderly invite you over and over into Being, the innocence, pleasure and joy beyond you.

This is suitable for singles, couples and those who are in relationship but choose to attend alone. Your own boundaries in any situation are fully respected and it is NOT ever about what you do or don’t do, it’s about how and who you are BEING – you will learn so much whatever choices you make. .

Joyful Loving in essence can be wild, yet is borne of utter stillness, emptiness and silence. It wakes up the intelligence of the genitals so that healing and then alchemical marriage can potentially happen, Then you can live your birthright of bodily ecstasy, love and expanded consciousness, each moment.

The personality, the conditioned, projective self, sabotages real love in many ways, through, for example, its pride, its fear of loss, its s-ual greed, its tendency to go into fantasy or romance or a habitual, compelling trance that has been there since early childhood.

Many humans need their conditioned propensity for hope and fantasy to keep on keeping on. They start out believing the little lies they are told. Father Christmas, the tooth fairy… Then they take on the big lies of the ‘free world’, duty, politics, the white wedding or their own lie, that leaving a partner, or not having a partner, or finding a shiny new partner, will solve the ache of separation.

Women and men so often think that what they think and say is so much more important than the realities in front of them, and so much more important than what they do, or don’t do. This is not true! Except, of course, in a post-truth world! Only a fool knows everything.

Men and women tell me they need to believe in something, a meaning or in romance, for example. Yet, perhaps, natural order, empty fullness, formless in form, the energetic, intelligent universe is wondrous enough? Isn’t being fully the man you are, the woman you are, the miracle gift? But let’s stay with relating for now. How does it go so wrong sometimes?

The problem with human love and se- is simple – the conditioned self simply cannot love or make love. It projects its own made up realities and longings, its pain, instead. It tries to get something from every interaction, rather than give in presence.

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In realised nature, freedom, there is communication from unconscious to our unique being and then a gateway to what is beyond that. it is whole-ly holistic! The unconscious is potentially your joy, passion, purpose, vitality & opening into being. It is nature.

Unless the unconscious is cared for every day, and unless the past has been dismantled, or a day fully ‘cleaned up’, so that reality is not clouded, you can’t receive the gifts and breakthroughs from current difficult exchanges and circumstances. These are underneath the appearance of made up projections. The conflicts simply become triggers for more painful interaction. Rinse and repeat. It’s a pity but it happens. Joyful Loving invites you to break the cycle at its root. The average Western lifestyle moves too fast and the mind’s hold can be very hard to spot. That is why circles are essence-ial for anyone who wishes to live intelligently and naturally.

The Joyful Loving explorations encourage you not to shut down, or withdraw, and to see through defences and projected material. They invite you to find the courage to be true to what moves deeply in your being & at the same time to feel into and receive the ‘other’, a lover, partner, child, community  – when it gets tough. Then, above all, to let the ground of being hold you.

What Is, empty fullness, beyond you, is what dissolves illusion and nourishes you. Love is easy when this is fully known, because everything is a resting in Being.  You learn how to do this in Joyful Loving. Accessing this is easier and easier when you prioritise your awakening work., if Secret Garden’s complementary psychotherapeutic and energetic explorations are entered into with sincere committment and self-love.

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You can trust that you are greater than your wounds, and their projected reality and judgements; you can grow larger than any presenting fear, you can learn that it is safe to receive another’s truth, & the past doesn’t need to limit or confine you.

Alive relating is dynamic, allows the integrity of each human involved and embraces a truth larger than the personalities involved. In Joyful Loving, there is the safety of holding and the freedom to explore and open in consciousness & celebrate life’s miracle in being you, in being in relationship with all those in your life, and with existence,

The rare Joyful Loving Ongoing deep dive invites you to show up for yourself & others more & more.

It will be laughter & life-filled, & insight provoking. A strong and mature and intentional circle  has gathered and is booking fast now, and its energy is a fire in this body.

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Dissolve your resistance to being loved & to giving love & show you how to break the patterns forever. Joyful Loving circles are profoundly healing and incredibly re-vitalising of all areas of your life and of your relating with Life itself. Don’t wait and waste the miracle of life. Act Now – Circle places strictly limited!



Dearest Joy,

This is all brilliant, I thank you so much for your tenacity in explaining it again and again and again until we ‘get it’. It took me years to understand what is meant by ‘witnessing and holding’, or ‘meeting [something] in loving consciousness’ or ’embracing a limiting belief’. As I didn’t grow up in a world of consciousness, these terms had only a dictionary meaning for me. I never heard anyone talk this way in my mainstream life; a witness was found in a courtroom, holding was physical, not psychical, and a meeting was what one did around a conference table. It did not make sense to ‘love’ or ‘welcome’ my pain–I only wanted it gone. I could pretend to love it, but how could I possibly love (ie, really really want) something painful?? These terms take on a new depth of meaning when used in consciousness, so thank you for giving examples, and for the circle being an example. You have emphasised to me how I do not need intellect in this process, but until I understood your terms I was in darkness. Now that I see your meanings it is like vision to a blind woman. Now I can more consciously try to implement their wisdom.

With much love,


P.S. Please do continue with examples of dialogue and scenario…there is more I stil don’t understand! 🙂

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