Recently some of my one to one clients & those who have written to me recently directly, or indirectly via the online forum, have been unhappily stuck in resistance. I am writing this for you if you can at times feel like a ball of resistance, whether this was or is conscious for you or was or is unconsciously sabotaging your professed life goals and choices, whether as frustrating stuckness or in manifesting results opposite to what you intended.
To fight your resistance to life or another human being or a memory, simply grows its power
What is simply sweetly hilarious is that I’ve had an intention to write a piece about resistance for over a week, maybe two weeks, because of what has been shared in the egroup and in private sessions, with individuals and couples. And life has presented what the article is about….no flow or ease in making space to write it. Even today, it was the one thing I sat down at my desk to do…and it’s now late afternoon and here is where I am! Just beginning! Thousands of other moments, life as it truly was, happening instead. Do I call them interruptions and tighten the body around an old moment or thought? no, life is happening & there is a relaxation into what IS asking attention.
Resistance is NATURAL as part of the cycles of life, just like snow is.
Resistance is just as much present in life as flow & ease & sunshine. To fight this is to suffer.
Don’t fall into the seeker’s trap of preferring flow & lightness & ease. This is to resist life and fight life. You won’t win. Your body may suffer. your relationships may suffer, if you do. And the spiritual awakening potential of every moment is certainly lost. Let resistance be your lover!
When there is no sense of being a separate me, then no problem, just contraction then expansion, resistance then flow. But the energy of resistance can be made personal too, rather than just a life force, a wave of energy with no meaning. The personality can use resistance as its biggest defence against real change.
Awakening, before the final liberation of death or ultimate death of the me while in a body, is a process of spiralling unfolding through all the walls and defences of resistance that hide your light and perfect imperfectness.
Secret Garden is an integrated and embodied Self enquiry, where everything that arises in our everyday experience is viewed not as problems to be solved but as gateways to soul, depth; and this willingness to be is ultimately the only way to descend to the essence which is the no-thing-nesss. The Essence courses -webinars and Live Retreats -reveal through carefully guided exploration, that your feelings, dilemmas, sensational life, physical pain, are the doorway, not the thing in the way!
This garden a real and a very direct way to the essence of who you are, and in that dissolution of all that you thought or were told you were, a great deal of inner conflict & resistance can be revealed or develop. To die is not what the personality wishes! So this exploration, whatever the title of a particular Secret Garden course, requires courage, commitment and trust. You can only allow the meltdown, the dying, when you have had some taste of how life is truly holding you in your dissolution, and realising this is your first taste of freedom. When awakenings begin to happen, the personal will fights as if for its life.
Increasing trust in life, spirit, increases your courage to allow everything, to open to all that you are, not what you think you should be. If you trust life totally then you let the personality defences and resistances give way to what lies deeper, more subtle, more powerful. Then the gifts at the heart of being can emerge. A cause for endless wonder and celebration, even if your ‘story’ is excruciating. Thinking your life is a problem to solve is resistance, pure and simple. Personal resistance. And how easily the ego justifies its worthy suffering and efforts! This closing mechanism is no better than any other. It means you will resist letting go deeply enough because the urge to fix you or things around you is too strong.
How do you come to embrace resistance and release yourself from its hangman’s noose? First of all, release your judgements that it is wrong or a problem.
You could choose to stay as you are, feeling resistant, stuck, frustrated, unworthy and staying in the situation as it is that creates more of those feelings, locked in this just as it is.
Or you can face your resistance, refusal & fear & follow it to the core, alone or with support of a spiritual mentor. friend or partner. Love dissolves, love heals but first self-honesty and a willingness to meet the pain of duality is necessary.
You can engage in words (not analysing, no whys) or physically with your partner, over and over bringing your bodies together, both speaking simply and directly of the energetics that happen in you, and you can use this as a challenge to take you both deeper in your relating.
Of course there might be feelings which will arise you dont like or want – because that is where a particular ‘story’ unfolding touches you. That is simply how it is this moment. The personality’s or ego’s fears and contractions are like little inner children, or fur covered creatures, inviting love of self or the other outside of us or preferably both!
Do you have a willingness to see all that you feel when life doesn’t happen as intended as your feelings, your weather… and let go of losing yourself in blaming life or another for any of it.
Pay attention to the light –this is the one way, this resting in pure being, that the ‘me’ and the resistance will dissolve. Spiritual digging work in the garden is your capacity to trust what you meet on the way (in the way, you might think!) and surrendering to that moment, that invitation, that miracle.
The personality’s or ego’s fears and contractions are your small inner children who – where there has been trauma and in birthing the body everyone has trauma – did not receive sufficient support & holding to make the transition from nothing & everything or formlessness into human embodiment easily & fully. As you experience deeper holding in living with spiritual connectedness, old patterns appear then relax back the absolute unconditionality, freedom, love of this moment. Life is so not personal. Life welcomes everything, and release happens. This is only possible if we stay present in our contracting pattern without trying to get out of it or fix it, and allow contact with the love that life inherently is, then resistance and fear naturally dissolves.
Alone at home, if you find yourself stuck in an old tired resistant fight and fear, sit in meditation for say 15 minutes, with the question ‘What’ am I fighting?’ Consider that question on every level. Then for 10 minutes ask yourself deeper and deeper, ’Where is the harmony and support in this very situation/person/life phase?’ Who are you and what is there deeper than your resistance, your feelings, your chosen responsibilities, your relationships, your story? Find out!
When you are more present & less resistant to your ‘ordinary’ life experience, you can then discover deeper who am I in truth? And maybe from the insights that arise give yourself the perfect simple, healing nourishment or expand your perspective so wide you disappear.
There is no choice in being, but it if you still think there is, is good to ACT as if’ you do have it. If you can see that you may find some leverage to do something different with what you feel and experience. You may at least be able to LOVE yourself where you are, relax where you are.
You know this HUMAN journey must also ultimately involve apparent choices and actions -that is engaging with life rather than resisting it as it is, this is how we truly live, invoke soul and learn that nothing matters. Avoiding apparent choice, action and responsibility for outcomes, whatever the so called good reasons judgements might present, is being less than the magnificence you are.
The more love you have for being you, this moment, the more that love frees you into a pure stream where actions arise that are right for who you are. Actions cannot and should not be forced. You are at a stage of heightening, sharpening awareness. Actions of course are the bottom line of grounding who we are and why we are. but sometimes no action feels right or ripe, no contribution true enough.
It is ok, like birthing yourself in a new way. Moving forward in a massive surge of energy, then alive and ok in your total stuckness. Then…more aliveness in another colour…..
Give up thinking you are in control and let the waves carry you. The ocean ebbs and flows, life contracts and expands, life is easy and challenging both.
I love to guide people, alone or in couples, to fall in love with WHAT IS HERE NOW. In this embrace of resistance a deeper enquiry into what’s true underneath that can happen and freedom naturally happens. Often people are afraid simply to cry, or say what is real so they cling to the resistance because it seems safer and known.
And in life generally pay attention to what is working, what has been achieved. Be grateful for your breath!!!!!! There is always at least one thing to be grateful for. Pay attention to gratitude, let it expand.
Love and gratitude may take you deeper, into spaciousness, emptiness , stillness. This dissolving of the fixed sense of ‘me’ can dissolve separation, and all problems that you had ever imagined there to be. There are NO PROBLEMS!
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