”Why havent I progressed as much as I was expecting/hoping. It seems that I have discovered and moved so many other aspects of myself (all good) but …”
Joy replies, This Secret Garden exploration of beingness is not about quick fixes (I know you know this). It is about coming home to your nature; both as spiritual beings and as very human beings. It is about becoming ALL of who you are, both as limitless awareness and limited, vulnerable humans, who WILL die. You are Love itself, and it is in the allowing and relaxing into the challenges as well as spirit/space and its bliss that you can discover that!
There is nothing to perfect, certainly nothing to get at ALL.
My darling, Secret Garden is not going to relieve you of the pain of existence. Increased consciousness and sensitivity will even – at times – intensify it. It will not solve your big problems immediately or heal you of any and all suffering forever. However it will wake you up. It brings light into what you have brushed aside, stamped on, dismissed, denied, unloved. It simplifies everything. It will bring you a relaxation of being. It may even with grace bring an awakening to all of who you are, body, heart, mind and spirit and beyond to all that is(n’t). the death of the personal life. It makes you simple and very, very sweet.
So, because we work with nature here, because we respect being in its infinite wisdom and because there is nothing glamorous about being, and about the esoteric knowing that has been shared for millennia, some character traits -in the story -that serve this soul process of unfolding are patience, discipline, trust, sincerity of heart, willingness to feel, and show up. In other words can you trust the process that is unfolding?
By the way, are you doing your Joyful Loving homework/homeplay? Every day? I get the feeling you aren’t – if not, why not? If this matters to you, why not? this will increase your bodily aliveness and awareness and sensitivity, raise the vibration of your being.
If I feel into what you write here, I could easily write a ‘process plan’ for what to do (and I could do that for everyone in this circle too). It would require a lot of time and money commitment. If you are interested I can outline it, though it is most effectively a two-way dialogue until interventions are chosen. I think of it as –‘the fast track option to solve your biggest presenting problem’.
As it is you are right now in a group. I’ve always said
1. Show up in the circle, however hard it feels, because until you do light cannot enter the cracks. Leonard Cohen wrote about that! You haven’t yet brought this to a live circle at all . Even when I gently invited you to be one of the first to speak in a recent circle, you didn’t take the space. This is delicate, extremely vulnerable in your being. And kept down, by much mind control. Only you can choose to trust anyway. It cannot be rushed. I will not go after you. You are magnificent and totally deserving of love just as you are anyway.
2. We cannot know which layers will peel off first or when, nor when core pain will be touched. It isn’t for you to question this but to learn to look after the beauty of the unfolding.
3. Often one-to-one or couple work is needed to supplement what is seen or opened to in groups. That is perfect. Groups do things for you that one-to-one/couple work never can. And vice versa! One-to-one/couple work does things group work never can. The two together long term are spiritual dynamite!
Those embodying more light and ease and awakeness may have worked with me for years. I can honestly say that it might be that the journey of being fully human is never ending, if the invitation is taken up. That isn’t failure or something not working fast enough. It is truth. it is life. What’s beautiful is – it is a beautiful, soulful, love and light filled journey accompanied by much laughter and deep friendship. It is called spiritual community.
Regarding the content of this so called issue…..which really isn’t a problem!
Well, I could write a book on female sexuality. Woman is so different in her sexual nature than man. She doesn’t by nature go out and get (though she can access this energy, knows it fully, if she is whole and embodied and healed) She attracts. She receives. I have a strong sense you are approaching this the wrong way round. So it is partly a therapeutic issue (I think yes it is) and partly an educational one and partly an energetic one (this last comes out of the former two).
The REALLY REALLY good news here!!! hurrah forever hurrah is that (your partner) is letting go of his sexual selfishness and his emotional neediness. What a potential turn on that can be!!!! There may be a transitional time where you need to drink this in and really believe in his transformation without your fear of invasion and demand to ‘perform’.
Make sure you allow your gratitude for all the good shifts that HAVE come to you. Gratitude dissolves away your limited sense of self. And the aliveness you feel on the Secret Garden weekends WILL come into your own ordinary extraordinary life too.
I’m aware this is only a beginning answer, sweet friend. So much more richness to come. And it might not be what you think it is!!! more later….
Here is the link to my ongoing Joyful Loving work-dive in if you are drawn!
https://secretgarden.co.uk/joyfulloving.html
Your comments or questions are welcome in the box below.
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