Can a personality love?

Joy writes to a participant about the fear of love –

In a Joyful Loving circle, where we are exploring being and what that means in an area (sex, relationship, love) where our culture is most wounded, most judgemental and mixed up, most permissive (in the incorrect use of the word), misinformed, greedy and licentious, it is important to know and accept that true freedom (the opposite of licentiousness) is dangerous yet wholly innocent and life-enhancing and make allowances and clear, careful boundaries for this, so that all aspects of being are looked after in this circle, received and the limited conditioned ones ultimately released – the traumatised child, the religious brainwash, the unintegrated adolescent, the harsh, ‘right’ judge, the tender heart, the innocent passion etc etc.

And then awakening, healing and re-membering happens organically and as ‘safely’ and carefully as we can hope for, with respect for the stories outside of our circle and respect for the lives you choose to lead outside of it. Only you all, separately, in your own carefully considered choices, moment by moment, can do this. Knowing of course that ‘you’ don’t exist.  Those true choices are respected and supported ALWAYS here.

Honour your choices and as healing happens, you will open to the love that is, anyway, alone or with a loved one.

When ‘you’ is around, love isn’t possible.  The surrender of the known and the controllable that love requires is feared. this is true in love relationships, in parenting, in caring for animals or land, in circles of transformation, in business-any arena where he personal pretences are dropped and there is a giving over to something bigger than the personal.

You are all learning to love. Learning to let in the wholly terrifying nature of love. In love, you see that another’s choices made in consciousness are wholly innocent and have to drop your desire to label and judge. In love, you see that your (or their!) monsters are harmless and energising rocket fuel for your knowing of life’s bitter yet oh so sweet and freeing truths. In love you see that any worldly achievement is ashes. Loving being betrayed is a gift you choose to give yourself. Loving being, you give up wanting what you thought was most desired.

Love is the stuff of which life, unfolding existence, is made. Yet so often love is missed or avoided because it is a threat to the status quo, to the conditioned self, the personality.

A personality (however socially skilled or conditioned to be ‘good’ or ‘giving’) cannot love. A personality never experiences intimacy. Personalities judge and separate. Does life judge and separate? Personalities do deals -Does life do deals? Personalities blame and shame – Does life ever blame? Personalities hold back to keep safe – Does life hold back? Personalities accommodate to keep safe – Does life accommodate?

A personality can make deals that ‘work’ to some extent. But those deals don’t reach into -in fact they veil and hide – the core, the vast empty beingness – where, there is no moral code, simply aliveness, nature. There our animal, woman, man lives present and alive and awake. Your nature is innocence. Nothing can hurt, all is well. Nothing is known. Even boundaries and agreements are irrelevant (though they might still be maintained) in that spaciousness. This is love, this is compassion. It is raw and it is truthful and it is uncompromising. It is not for the faint hearted. It is dangerous. It is life. It is death. It is sex. It is love. It is destructive. It is creative. It is where nothing is needed, nothing needs to be done or had or looked for, no one is considered.

So it is whole and innocent.

And it may contain total activity, actions, business, thought, personality, feeling….

All love to you all, Joy xxx

For more about being and what that means for relating visit the Joyful Loving Gateway



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