A dear male friend from an ongoing group wrote this in the egroup recently about how he used to think about marriage….”could I do better, would this other personality be a better fit, is she the right one,….?” and a dear female friend from the same ongoing Joyful Loving circle replied to him in the egroup ” (that) really struck a chord with me. This is what I have been doing in my marriage, thinking I could have a better experience with someone else’ ‘. It seems this kind of wondering and lack of totality happens often amongst those I meet in my one to one or couples practice or in circles.
It is one way to suffer! The personality in its smallness and fear of loss or pain, will inevitably look for personal gain, and control, and resist losing it through committing fully to anything. The personality looks for how it can benefit, looks for how an old or not so old story justifies contraction or conflict or deceit or separation. This of course is severely reducing the body and beings availability to the love which IS, in life.
The apparent journey of coming to clear seeing of the personality’s greed, its seeking and wanting to own, and its defence mechanisms against change and growth – is challenging, confronting and a stark one without the support of fellow travellers. Its rewards are immense, the most profound and far reaching being the alchemical transformation of the personal, ‘small’, self which into the personal death of boundless freedom, the love that simply is, in all. Intimate relating -that which happens in committed relationship, marriage, with a life guide or a Secret garden circle, can apparently, in the story of the separate self, speed up this journey.
How perfect that England’s prince and his princess should marry at Beltane! that time of glorious potency, wild nature, where life and climate and lushness so readily supports our abandonment to pleasure in being, and how beautiful and deeply moving that their wedding service address spoke to the heart and soul of all, Christian or not. ..’ Marriage is intended to be a way in which man and woman help each other to become what God meant each one to be, their deepest and truest selves…..every wedding is a royal wedding with the bride and the groom as king and queen of creation.. the more we give of self, the richer we become in soul; the more we go beyond ourselves in love, the more we become our true selves and our spiritual beauty is more fully revealed. ‘
We all know at some level that love calls us to something greater than we can be alone. The personality resists, hides from being truly seen, finds reasons not to give itself away to what can’t be known, measured, priced.
To Love Joyfully is to love ANYWAY, whether our small personal agenda is fulfilled or not, whether we like a particular aspect of another’s ways or not, whether life is presenting challenges or not. This love, this making sacred of the moment beyond the personal, this intimacy, whether with life, with a child, a spouse, a postman, burns the dross of the heavy, small personality and allows a being awake and alive, so that there can be a gifting of the planet and fellow human beings with the life coming through the body and unique nature. It isnt about being good. It isnt about having shoulds about committment or the right lifestyle or right partner or whether to have a partner or what kind of partner! These qualities and awarenesses about what is perfect resonance for our unique being can grow naturally as our nature, our heart, our voice, our soul, grows.
Ultimately if we follow love, if we live life totally and passionately, it appears in the ‘story’ that human beings are called into the mystical union within as well as without.
The electric, creative union of male and female polarity in this inner marriage enlivens and invites the letting go into vastness, aliveness, being. soul and spirit, light and dark, fire and ice, male and female, all one, being unfolding, boundless freedom.
all love, aloha, Joy xx PS do join us to share more in this realm of Joyful Loving at Joyful Loving gateway page